The Past and the Present
by Querida123
Summary: Suze is pregnant but there's something strange going on with Jesse, read it to find out. COMPLETE! okay, so this was called 9 WHOLE MONTHS OF WORRY but it's changed.
1. Who's Juliet?

**Hii, I'm Gina, this is my first ever fanfic, tell me if it sucks, tell me if its good…basically I like reviews:D umm sorry if the sex scene at the beginning isn't really very realistic but I've never done it myself. Anyway, this is the first chapter, I'm just building things up, it doesn't really have any substance yet, Suze seems to be just drifting through her day with no real purpose, but don't worry, soon she'll have a whole lot to worry about! Mwaha! Ha-ha :) reviiieeww! Danke! Quite a short chappy at the beginning, sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, apart from all the unknown ones, sadly.**

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"_Oh, Susannah" Jesse whispered softly in my ear "you're skin, it's so soft."_

_I shivered, not because I was cold, because of the desire that was rising up in me._

"_Jesse, please, I think it's time for us to take the next step" I stroked his face. Now that he was no longer a ghost, we could do anything we wanted and we'd been dating for a pretty long time now, finally I think it was time for us to…ya know. _

_Jesse's eyes widened. I already know he thinks marriage should be before sex but I didn't have that sort of belief, I loved him and he loved me, I didn't see what was stopping us._

"_Okay, Querida"_

"_what?" I said, I didn't expect him to cave._

"_I think we should" He picked me up in his strong arms and took me to his bed, next thing I knew he was kissing me like he'd never kissed me before, so full of lust and love. _

"_Jesse" I moaned, I was fingering his buttons on his shirt, I wanted it off of him as quickly as possible. Sensing what I was trying to achieve he helped me and threw it to the floor, I ran my fingers up Jesse's amazing chest. I knew what was coming and I was ready for it, sure I was scared, I knew it would hurt but I knew it was right, too._

_He started nibbling on my ear, I ran my fingers through his hair and moaned._

_He slowly pulled off my top, I had worn my good bra and for this I thanked God, or whoever was up there for this good choice of mine, his hand started messaging my left breast, I moaned, his touch was enough to set me on fire. He moaned too. _

"_Querida, did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?" I smiled. I felt him unhook my bra and it fell to the floor, we were both half naked now and we'd only ever got this far, the next step was a big one._

"_are you sure?" Jesse breathed, I told him I was sure and started unbuckling his trousers, he pulled down my skirt. I felt myself flush, this was embarrassing, my legs weren't the best part of my body. We kissed passionately, he was ontop of me, he was so lustful, he started kissing my face, then my breasts and all the way down to my knickers, I felt him take the top of my knickers into his mouth, he pulled them down…with only his teeth, I blushed madly but it felt so good all the same. I wasn't having any of this, me naked but him not? I had to do something about that for sure._

_Now that he had kicked his trousers off it was only his boxers left, I looked at him intensely, staring into his liquid black eyes, he nodded, understanding my unsaid question. I pulled down his boxers. My eyes widened and he smiled as he caught me staring. "Querida, it's just me" I nodded._

_Again we kissed, so full of passion. "I'm about to do it, are you ready?" I nodded, I was excited and scared, I held onto Jesses back with my fingers, I slowly felt him push into me, I was right, it hurt, it hurt a lot, my eyes started to water, Jesse looked worried "Querida? Did I hurt you?" he asked._

_He was obviously worried he was ruining this for me. "no, Jesse, it's meant to hurt the first time, I'm okay, I love you" he looked relived. _

"_I love you too, Susannah" and that was it, for the first time I had had sex with a guy I was in love with completely, I rolled over and sighed, he came over and kissed me deeply._

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It happened two weeks ago, only two weeks! Ever since that day he's been bringing me a single red rose, I obviously 14 so far and each day I thanked him and kissed him, he was never pushy in wanting to do it again but still we haven't, it may have been the first time but it doesn't mean I want to rush into doing it again!

I walked into the kitchen to find Sleepy once again licking his bowl clean, it was disgusting, honestly, who'd want to go out with him? This was exactly what I asked him, he just threw me an evil look and carried on licking. He sulkily walked out the room. What was bugging him so badly? Jees. The phone rang. I ran to go get it because obviously Sleepy wouldn't. It was father Dom.

"Hey, you" I said, wondering what he wanted this time. He's been ringing me frequently lately, he always seems to have one problem or another, it must be his old age. Poor guy.

"Susannah, good you're there, look I've got this problem…" typical, him and his problems! "Yes, father D, I'm always here, what's up now?" I asked, trying not to sound too sarcastic. "Well, you see, there's this ghost…I think she's stalking me" Whoa, what? Some crazy ghost was stalking Father D? what was all that about?

"Stalking you, err are you sure?" I asked, stupidly. "Of course I'm sure, Susannah." he snapped "she won't leave me alone, I did ask her what she wants but of course she won't tell me, she hardly talks, all I know is that she's called Juliet, she's quite young, around 19 I'd say, I think you'd be best talking to her, seeing as she is around your age."

I sighed, I heard this Juliet girl in the background muttering things like "I don't need to talk to this woman" and other things, for a girl who doesn't talk that much, she sure does when she doesn't get her own way.

I was not in the mood for this girl, I felt so sick, it was probably just Sleepy licking every little inch of food off of his bowl. It was enough to make any girl want to disown her stepbrothers.

"Okay, I'll be down there in half an hour" I guess I should, if some crazy girl is stalking Father D, I should probably go down and kick her crazy butt, because when father Dominic said "you'd be best talking to her" it translated into my mind as "you'd be best getting rid of her Suze style" which is, obviously, kicking her butt.

I drove down to the Mission, hoping this girl wouldn't make anything too troublesome for me seeing as how sick I felt, honestly, I could just go home and sleep, I was ill, it obviously couldn't be Sleepy, the image of him licking the bowl had almost disappeared, I must just be ill. I hate being ill, but at least I can go and see Jesse when I'm done with this, I know he'd like to see me and give me the rose that I get every day.

Boy, was I wrong.


	2. I'm no Bitch

**What is with me and these short chapters? anyway, I know that it's obvious...the whole 9 months thing so you can guess what'll happen to Suze, well, I thought of another storyline which is this one that you're about to read, dont worry, it'll still happen, but there's going to be two things going on, so poor Suze has two things to worry about! if you're a Jesse lover like me, and all the stories you read you do the same as me and read to the parts with Jesse then I beg you, don't not read because this of the no Jesse in this chapter, coz this chapters quite important to the rest of the plot.  
sorry, I rant!**

**disclaimer - I only own Juliet.  
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"You bitch!" Juliet screamed, she just…screamed! I was barely through the door, I only came to see her and 'talk' maybe she sensed that in fact I wouldn't just talk, I'd…well you get the drift of what I do to ghosts anyway.

"Umm, what?" I spluttered, I mean. I hadn't done anything to her had I? I thought hard about all the ghosts I've met, none called Juliet so it's not like I had done something to offend her that I had forgotten about. "Juliet! Honestly, no need to shout and call such harsh names" said Father Dominic, yeah, right Father D, that's how you calm a screaming girl down.

"Bitch! I can't look at that…_girl_" she said the word girl like it had just burned her mouth as she said it. Father D looked truly shocked, and I was too. I hadn't even seen this girl before. She had long brown hair and a really beautiful face, she would be quite a hot girl…you know, if she wasn't dead.

Her clothes were quite out of fashion, I mean way out of fashion, it's the sort of thing a girl version of Jesse would of worn when he was a ghost, okay what I'm trying to say is that she probably died 150 years ago. Shocker right?

"Look, I don't know who you are but stop calling me a bitch" I wasn't actually angry enough to hit her, I had got used to being called a bitch by all my other ghostly 'friends' so it didn't really effect me that much anymore.

"Now, chill out, take a chill pill, relax" I said, Father D looked quite mortified. "Juliet, why are you calling Susannah such names, have you met her before?" Juliet thought about answering but decided against it. "I'm not saying a thing, she's pretending like she doesn't know why I hate her… she knows perfectly well, she knows… everything" she said it quite spookily too. I mean, it was all raspy and deep.

"Is this true, Susannah?" Father D looked at me, he looked bewildered, honestly, if I was just a spectator of all this I would've found Father Dominic's facial expression hilarious, but sadly I was at the rear end of his…amusing look.

"Of course it isn't, I don't even know who she is, I've never seen her before!" I spat, jees, talk about stress, it's really annoying when someone think's you know something you don't, right?

"liar!" Juliet screamed, she dematerialized and I was relieved for mere seconds before she appeared at my side. She slapped me, she materialized by my side and slapped me, talk about rude! My anger was building by now. She can call me a bitch, but slapping me, just..no way.

I slapped her back, she screamed like she didn't expect it, she couldn't expect me to do nothing could she? The next thing I know we're both in a full blown fight, my nose was bleeding and she had endless cuts on her face from where my fingernails had dug into her.

She threw me onto the nearest table, it crashed, I could hear Father D shouting at us to stop, I was in pain but I could tell she was too, I grabbed the nearest chair and whacked her with it across the face, she screamed in pain, she had a great big gash down the side of her face, it was bleeding, after a minute of her cries the cut had gone, that's the thing about ghosts, things like that don't stay, it's extremely annoying when you're the one with the injuries that actually take more than a few minutes to heal.

I held her against the wall and started punching her, my anger was rising and rising, how dare this stupid slut call me names without even meeting me and then when I tell her I don't know what the hell she's on about she slaps me! I don't know what this girls problem is but I want her away from this plane, my plane, not hers.. quicker than you can say exorcism.

She finally stopped me from hitting her when she stuck her leg out and tripped me, then she just flipped! out of nowhere a knife appeared in her hand! I swear! I could not of freaked out less, some girl you dont know threatens you with a knife and you expect me to be all 'oh cool, thats a really nice knife'? no way! so I was about to try and find something suitable enough to get her back with when suddenly Father D shouted "Stop! Right now! This is inappropriate"

"Now, Juliet, please just tell us what Susannah has done" Father Dominic pleaded, shooting me a glance that looked like a 'if you know-say-it-now' sort of look, I think he actually thought I knew, but honestly I didn't!

"She knows" and she shot me one last look of hate and dematerialized. I was in shock, I had to think hard about what I apparently know, this really was annoying, I don't understand why that stupid cow couldn't just spit it out.

"Susannah, tell me, I won't judge" Father Dominic gave me a chair and told me to sit down. I sat but didn't speak. "Susannah…"

"Look, Father D, I don't know, I swear on my life, this ghost is mental." I told him whilst trying to flatten down my out of control hair with only my fingers, Juliet had totally messed up my hair, it took me hours to straighten.

"Well, if what you say is the truth, we have some serious thinking to do." muttered Father D. Personally I think he took a shine to this Juliet girl and thought I was lying, I didn't mention that though. I can't accuse a priest, thinking about it, he gets out of a lot by him just being a priest, he'd get me a lot more mad if he was an ordinary principle. I should become a nun.

"Yeah, well, I'll be heading back now" I said, getting out of the chair, I wanted to go and think about what Juliet had said, or I needed to find her and have another little 'talk' with her. If you know what I mean.

"Do not, and Susannah I mean it, do not go looking for her, we need to sort this out without violence" damn, he can read me like a book. "promise?" he asked. I turned round to look at him. "promise" and I gave him really big smile. I walked out the door, still smiling my huge smile, I hated lying but his way of doing things was just, way, way uncool.

By the time I had gotten back to the house, Andy's meal was already finished and was served on the table. Sleepy was still annoyed with me, I don't really know why, I always tease him. The food was delicious but I was too pre-occupied with what Juliet had been saying to me, well screaming to me really. I mooched up to my room only to find a really, really distressing note, with the words 'For Suze, R.I.P' on the front.

I looked around to who had dropped it under my door, there was nobody in there. This must have been Juliet. I can't think of anyone else who would want to kill me. Err, right?


	3. One Problem After Another

**After this chapter I may wait a while and see how many other reviews I'll get, because I really do want more. But then again I may have a brainwave, or I may get bored and start writing again.**

**What does it matter? Just read this : thanks! Gina x**

**p.s the ending of this is a bit naff, sorry!**

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"Hello, Querida" Jesse said, in his lovely silky tone. He kissed me passionately, I giggled but was soon reminded of why I had driven over to his flat. "What is that?" he asked, noticing the scrunched up piece of paper in my hand. "Oh, I have a problem…"

"What is it, Susannah?" he sighed. I handed him the paper, watching his face for his reaction. He wrinkled his nose, he looked so cute like that. "Who's this from?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know exactly…" I muttered, tucking my hair behind my ear sheepishly.

"Yes you do, now who wa-?" he didn't get to finish his sentence because I had grabbed him and kissed him, I just wanted him to see the note, I did not want to get into this who was it business, I knew he'd ask but I hoped he would let me drop it. So to get him to let me drop it I had to result in kissing.

For a moment I thought he was getting into it, I was relived, no more talking about my note, but I was wrong, I should've guessed I would be wrong.

"Querida, stop it" he pushed me away slightly "this is serious, it's an actual death threat" I sat down on the sofa and took off my shoes "so? I don't care, I'm not scared of a threat" I patted the spot next to me so that he would sit down. He didn't, he stood in front of me and looked at me seriously.

"Well you should be, tell me, who sent it?" he walked away as he said it, into the kitchen where I heard the kettle click on. "Jesse, you know I only like coffee, not tea." I could only just see him in the kitchen, he had such a nice butt, and it was all mine, my heart flew with glee.

I walked into the kitchen and wrapped my arms around his stomach. "I love you, Jesse." He kissed my hand "and I love you but you must stop changing the subject."

"Would you forget it?" I asked him, knowing the reply "no" he simply replied. I took away my arms from his stomach. "Fine, it was this ghost called Juliet, there, was that interesting?" Jesse tensed. Why was he tensing? "What's wrong?" I asked, worrying. "nothing." his face was covered in panic, I don't understand, does he know her?

"Juliet" I heard him mutter. "Yeah, have you heard of her?" I asked, suspiciously eyeing him up.

"No, no, of course not" and he did the worst fake cough I've ever heard, telling he was getting uncomfortable I turned on the TV. "Look, Casper's on, you like this" I said, he only liked it because Casper was a ghost. He sighed and sat down next to me, he wasn't really paying attention, his eyes were all glazed over.

I wonder if one of his sister's were named Juliet because that's probably why he's getting so upset and uptight about this girl, it may be his sister. But what did I know? I just put my hand in his and turned up the sound.

"Look, Jesse, I'm going to go, you obviously don't want me here." I said, he had taken his hand out of mine, he never does this.

"Sorry, I just…sorry. Don't go" He pleaded. I played softly with his hair. "Jesse, you're acting strange, do you or do you not know Juliet?"

"I.." he stopped, thinking about his answer "I don't" this didn't explain his sudden weird reaction. "I'm just tired, very tired" he got up.

"Right" I said, staring at him blankly. He shifted from side to side. "Right. Well, I'll leave you to sleep then" and I left him, without even a kiss goodbye. He was lying to me, we agreed not to lie. What was going on with him?

On my way back I had stopped to get petrol when the most unpleasant voice whispered in m ear "Hey, Suze" said a slick Paul Slater. Brilliant this was just what I needed after all that 'trauma' with Jesse.

"Paul, I'm not in the mood" it's true, Paul had been keeping away from me more than usual but he just can't help himself sometimes, he's like a child with sweets in front of him, he has to have them.

"I'll put you in the mood" he said, cheerfully. He tried kissing me on the cheek. "Down, boy" I said. "It's just on the cheek" Paul said, annoyed. I finished up with the petrol and went to pay.

"I don't care, you know I hate you" I muttered to him. He placed his hand on his heart. "Oh no, Suzie hates me" he said mockingly "even though you don't…not really, you're denying your true feelings" he carried on. I laughed. "Don't flatter yourself, Paul."

His face hardened. "Don't play with my feelings, Suze, that isn't nice" I rolled my eyes at him. "Besides, I know something you don't" after handing over my money I turned round to look at him, I was going to ask him what he was going on about this time, but he was gone. I searched the car park with my eyes. His car wasn't even there anymore.

When I had got home to eat, my favourite food was on the table, but only I realised that just the smell of it now made me sick, I ran upstairs and was sick in the toilet, my mom knocked on the bathroom door. "Suzie, what was all that about? Quiche, it's your favourite" I flushed the toilet "I don't know, mom, look, could you make me some toast and bring it up, I don't think I'll be able to eat that, tell Andy that I'm sorry."

She nodded and walked downstairs, I heard her say "she's acting so strange these days" okay, sure, I have been a tiny bit more snappy than usual but that's it, nothing else is new, apart from the sudden sickness. I must still be ill from this morning.

Now that Jesse was alive it was so weird having the room all to myself, I found the note in my pocket and threw it at the bin, it missed. not bothering to go and get it I slouched on my bed. wondering why Jesse was so weird about Juliet and why Paul was being so...well, so Paulish.

Just as I was about to nodd off into sleep something flashed infront of my eyes, screaming. "BOO!" it yelled, it was just a flash, it was even gone before I had open my eyes. It sounded like Juliet. My heart was beating so loud I could of sworn I cloud hear it clear as day. That is one scary thing to wake up too. So now Juliet had resorted into haunting me? This girl was gonna be one tough nut to crack.

**I said 'mom' and I'm english, I'm gonna keep doing that because I know the majority of readers would be american etc, so like chapter one, when I said trousers for you non UK-ers that means pants. anyway.**

**review! cheeeers me dears. x**


	4. Doubt

**This is my attempt of slowing down the story, did it work? it's quite short, but this is just about Suze's feelings. **

**Disclaimer: I own nobody except Juliet and Doctor Ralph.**

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"So, Suze, you're right, you are pregnant" Said Doctor Ralph, in the kindest voice possible. For a while now I've been feeling horrible, always ill and I'm always needing the toilet. I needed to make sure that I wasn't pregnant because Jesse had forgotten to put on a condom that night we had sex.

So, I went to doctor Ralph and he checked me over, he had just told me I was pregnant. Me? Suze? Pregnant? At the age of 19. Too young. My heart was beating loudly into my chest, so hard it almost hurt.

I can't be pregnant, I just can't I'm too young. "No, I'm not right. I'm not pregnant, I just can't be" I was sitting in the doctor's chair, staring at a wall, I felt Doctor Ralph's hand on my knee, patting it. "It's true, you are pregnant. It'll all be fine." He was trying to say it calmly.

"No it wont, Jesse will hate me, he won't want children now." I quickly said. I pushed Doctor Ralph's hand away. Then came the tears, I felt them trickle down my cheek, I wiped them away in disgust. I wasn't about to cry, I had been through to much to have this thrust apon me.

"We could always…well…there's options" I stared at him, he meant abortion. No, I could never get rid of a baby, my baby. "No, I won't have that done." he patted my knee once again. "Stop it, will you?" he looked taken aback.

"Sorry, Doctor, just this is too much, I can't loose Jesse." I couldn't help it, the tears flowed before I could even think about repressing them.

"I don't think he would leave you Suze." Sure, me and Jesse have known Doctor Ralph for a while but I was sure Jesse didn't want kids, he was only just starting his medical profession.

"Do you want me to talk to Jesse?" asked the Doctor. He was wearing a long white coat and was getting old, his face was wrinkled and his hair was greying, he didn't need me in here bawling my eyes out over a baby, he probably thought I was a stupid, young little girl who should of thought about her actions before she went through with them.

I expect he thought that I'm being idiotic and that I should be happy about a baby. Was I happy? No, I wasn't. I had watched videos in school about pregnancy, it seemed so hard, the birth looked terrifying.

Nothing was even mentioned about having a baby at 19. Was I ready? Diapers, crying in the night, bathing. My head was spinning just thinking about it, sure I like kids, but screaming babies? Too much for me to handle.

I was going to be such a useless mother, useless and single. With no husband or boyfriend to support me. Seeing as Jesse won't stick around once he knows I'm pregnant with his child.

"No." I said, simply. "I need to tell him, this is for me to do" Doctor Ralph nodded in agreement. Well, what did he know? He was just happy he didn't have to tell Jesse himself. He was just glad I had to deal with his reaction.

Oh no, his reaction. What will it be like? Terrible I expect, he'll blame it all on me and leave me, right there and then. I cried more, Doctor Ralph didn't dare try to comfort me this time, seeing as last time I had told him off. I can't tell Jesse, at least…not for a while. Not until I figure out what to do.

What about Juliet? She was still terrorising me, sending me death threats, creeping up on me when I'm alone, shouting at me in my sleep.

I can't deal with all the stress, the stupid bitch still wouldn't tell me why she was angry at me and I just couldn't be bothered to figure it out.

What about when the babies born? Would she do something to the baby? I can't put my child at risk but I'm not going get an abortion, I don't believe in that, I started this kid's life, I'm not about to end it.

I put my head in my hands, all these thoughts, all these worries. They were driving me mad. "Now, Suze, you aren't that far gone, about, 6 weeks" that isn't a lot, in about a month we'll check out the baby and see how he's doing." I looked up at him "he? You know? Already? I thought you couldn't yet."

"We can't, I just call your baby a he instead of 'it' it's more polite" he said, smiling.

I sighed and put my head back into my hands.

"You can go now, Suze, I'm a phone call away if you have any questions." I got up and headed towards the door. "Oh and Suze…" I turned round quickly, I don't know what I was hoping he would say, but I hoped it was something good. "Congratulations".

"Thanks" I mumbled and walked out the door, full of worry and doubt. I went to my car which was parked outside. I got into the car and put the key in the ignition. I stared down at my stomach, there was a baby growing inside me. For a slight moment I was happy, knowing there was something inside me that I was protecting, something good, made of me and Jesse, I smiled until I picked up my phone I had left in the car. There was a text. From Jesse.

'Hey, Querida, where are you? I miss you a lot x' was all it read, the smile escaped from my lips, I couldn't tell him, the thought of never being called Querida again made me scared, really scared. I couldn't tell him, not yet. I started up the car but deciding that I couldn't face Jesse right now, I headed for CeeCee's place, she would make me feel better. Hopefully.


	5. Uh Oh

**My favourite chapter yet, even though it's small, I think I mixed between slowing it down and still getting the point of the chapter in. how as it?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anybody in this chappy, sadly.**

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"Oh Suze, you're being silly" comforted CeeCee "Jesse would never leave you, and now you're carrying his child! He'll be so happy!"

I could tell she was excited, she could probably picture a little child calling her Aunt CeeCee and all of that. Well, I'm glad someone was excited, because I certainly wasn't.

"Mmm, I don't think so, he's just training to be a doctor, a baby would slow it all down, way way down." I muttered, I had a tear stained face and blotchy eyes, I had stopped crying by now but I was still ever so worried, I know CeeCee means well, but honestly she's just happy I'm having a baby.

She suddenly went serious, she was no longer smiling and her face just went all rigid "Suze, stop this now, I'm getting worried."

I looked at her with a confused face. I wasn't doing anything. "Suze, you're talking crazy, Jesse will not leave you and I can promise you that."

She was slowly convincing me, I know Jesse loves me, he always has. But a baby? He's never spoke about wanting kids before.

"The doctor thing though, Cee" she got up from her leather sofa and stood in front of me, what was she doing?

"Susannah Simon, stop this nonsense" she took my shoulders and shook them slightly. "If there's the option of you and the baby and just him and his profession, it's obvious he'd choose you" I blinked at her "and the baby, of course."

She sat back down, she looked proud of herself for giving me this little pep talk. I thought about it, it's true, I can't believe Jesse would choose being a doctor over me, I know that sounds vain but it isn't, he's always chosen me.

"Okay, I guess you're making sense now" I felt much more happier now than when I arrived at her house, wet and crying from when the rain had pelted down as I got out the car. I'm sure the scene of me standing there with soaking wet hair and clothes, not to mention crying like a baby was more than disturbing.

CeeCee giggled "You are stupid sometimes though, Suze" I pressed my hand against my heart "How _could _you say that about me?" I said sarcastically. She started to tickle me and I fell back in laughter, it felt good to laugh again, you know what they say, if you frown it gives you wrinkles! At least, I think that's what they say, oh what does it matter?

I'm happy, Jesse will hopefully be happy, my parents probably won't be happy but I can't worry about them, I'm only worried about me and Jesse, and our future together. And here I was, in my best friends house, having a tickle fight, laughing our heads off.

An hour and a huge packet of toffee popcorn later (**Did that make sense?) **I was hugging CeeCee goodbye, my heart was drumming into my ribcage of thought of seeing Jesse soon, I was about to tell the love of my life that I was having his baby at only 19. Oh no, how will he take it?

So I jumped in my car and drove up to Jesse's apartment, I cant even remember driving there, I remember getting in the car and then getting out of the car, my mind was going crazy with worry in all the bits between.

I knocked the door, I heard some shuffling around and then a gorgeous Jesse answered the door.

"Querida! There you are." He smiled and tried to give him a kiss on the cheek but I denied it. His face went blank. "Why did you do that?"

"Jesse, I have something to tell you…"


	6. And then I told him

**I like this chapter too, do you? Review! I want 6 reviews until I write my next one. 25 reviews for 5 chapters just isn't enough, thankyou though for those who have reviewed, it makes me smile like a...erm...something that smiles alot!**

**Disclaimer: I own nobody, Meg Cabot does. Duhh.**

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"Well, what is it?" Jesse asked, hurriedly. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did something happen with your family?" 

"No, nothing like that" I said, I wasn't even looking at Jesse I was looking at the wall behind him, there were so many pictures of me and him together.

My most favourite picture of us was on the wall too, it was me and him on a beach, my hair was disgusting but at that moment it didn't matter, we both had ice creams and Jesse had some on his nose, and then there was me laughing my head off at him.

We were both in an embrace as we laughed at the ice cream on his nose. It sounds silly but at the time it was hilarious!

I sighed as I scanned the wall, there was me and him kissing, us just together smiling a really cheesy smile and just a picture of me…that was new, I've never seen it before.

I looked at it a little longer and Jesse spotted what I was looking at "Oh" he said sheepishly "I took that when you didn't realise, I love it" he said, smiling.

I was looking the towards to side so all you can see is my profile, I was on a beach (a different one than before though) and the sun was going down.

I smiled weakly "That's sweet" I simply said. "Like you" Jesse muttered, he wanted to hug me, I can tell by the way he was walking towards me. This time I didn't deny it, I opened my arms and we embraced. He was so warm and I could hear his heart beating in his chest.

"I love you, Querida" he's torturing me, he's giving me all this lovey dovey stuff and he's about to leave me.

"I love you too" I looked up at him "Don't ever leave me" I pleaded. He looked at me in surprise. "Leave you? Why ever would I do that?" he looked confused, yeah well, he's not the only one.

"Jesse, I have something really important to tell you" I stepped away from our hug, he looked at me seriously. "I think you should sit down"

"No, I'd rather stand Susannah" Susannah? He hadn't called me that in a while, it's always Querida now a days, just hearing him say my name instead of Querida made my heart twinge.

I looked at the floor, half of me really wanted to run out the door and the other half of me wanted him to know really badly.

"Susannah!" Jesse said, it wasn't in a shout but he didn't sound like his normal self, I could tell he was worried because he kept putting his hands through his hair, I love it when he does this, it looks really sexy. I was not thinking sexual thoughts right now though, I'll tell you that.

I took a deep breath.

"Jesse, I'm pregnant" I muttered, an hour must of gone by before he spoke, well, it wasn't an hour it was merely a few minutes but for me it was a lifetime.

"Pregnant? How?" he asked, he looked so shocked as if this was the last thing he ever expected to come from my mouth.

"I think you know already, Jesse" I joked, it may have been a joke but even I didn't find this funny, my heart had stopped. I was waiting for his reaction, it was so infuriating that he wouldn't give me what I wanted. A reaction, that is. He just stared at me, no anger, no pain, no love, no happiness. No nothing!

Then his reaction came. It was not at all what I was expecting.

"You cheated on me." he said, it wasn't even in anger, although I could tell he was angry, I could see it in his eyes, they were cold, Jesse's eyes are never cold.

"What? No!" I said, my heart had restarted but now it was pumping harder than ever.

"Yes you have, how else could you be pregnant? we've hardly had sex!" Jesse shouted, his anger was rising steadily.

"It only takes one time! You have to understand!" I begged, how could Jesse think I cheated on him?!

"You're lying" Jesse started to pace around the room, I was getting desperate. "No, I'm not, it's your baby!"

"I don't believe you, I bet it's Paul's." Now that hurt, how could he think I would ever do that with Paul? I only loved Jesse.

"It's your baby!" I said again. Jesse started to head for the door. I thought he was going to walk out so I grabbed onto him, he shrugged me off.

"Get out. I can't believe you Susannah." he slammed the door in my face, I was stood there staring at the door handle, pleading for it to open it again.

This was worse than Jesse leaving me, Jesse thought I had cheated on him, something I would never do.

I fell to the floor, I cried for what seemed like hours. I looked at my watch, I had been there for half an hour, I tried to stop the tears but they wouldn't dry up, my eyes kept welling up and the tears kept falling down my cheek.

I felt the door move behind me, I looked up and it was Jesse, he looked mad but not as angry as he was.

"Susannah, stop this crying, I can hear you from inside here. It hurts me to hear you cry like this" He held out his hand and I took it, he pulled me to my feet, my legs were like jelly from sitting down for so long.

"Just go home, we'll talk about this tomorrow." He was about to shut the door again but I held it open.

"No, you must understand, I would never cheat on you, we didn't use any protection when we had sex and it only takes one time to get me pregnant" Jesse looked at me differently, it was as if he saw me in a different light.

"We didn't use any protection?" he asked. I blinked at him. He couldn't even remember.

"No, Jesse." I pushed my way past him and into his apartment. I was going to clear this up right now.

"I thought we did. I can remember" Umm what was Jesse on about? I remember specifically that it was rushed, the whole we're going to have sex thing. We had been making out for ages and I said to him I wanted us to have sex, he agreed and that was it, there was no 'wait here whilst I get my condom'. None of that.

"Um, no. We didn't, who are you thinking of?" I raised my eyebrows. How can he remember something that didn't happen?

"Nothing. No-one." he did his hand in his hair thing again. My eyebrows went even higher.

"So, it's my baby?" He smiled, placing his fidgety hands solidly in his lap. He stroked my cheek and I kissed his hand.

"Yes, are you happy or not?" I stared deeply into his eyes. Please let him say he's happy, please let him say he's happy.

"Of course I am!" he was going to head in for a kiss, I gave him one but it was done with not much feeling. Sure I'm extremely happy he was glad about it, I mean you can't wipe the smile of my face but I wasn't going to be totally happy until all my worries are gone.

And not about the baby either, I meant about Jesse remembering using protection when we defiantly didn't. It's probably nothing.

I hope.


	7. Jesse's denial

**I'm not that happy with this chapter, I've got the rest of the story planned out and I know how it's going to end, wanna read the end? well then review! I want at least 10 reviews until I update. I want lots of reviews because I don't want to write a story if nobody likes it. Thanks everyone who has reviewed it so far though. I give you all a jam doughnut! unless you don't like doughnuts coz then you get a cookie! Yay.**

**Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure that you all know I'm not Meg Cabot and Meg owns all these characters...oh wait...Juliet, Juliet is MINE. **

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"Cee Cee, it's me" I had rang her, I was over the moon that Jesse had accepted the baby and I needed to tell my best friend. 

"Oh, hey, how'd it go with Jesse?" she asked, I could here a sort of scratching sound in the background, she was filing her nails. I laughed faintly. Typical of her.

"it was good, at first he thought I had cheated on him…can you believe that?" My heart sank as I remembered the fight we had.

"What? Suze that's really serious!" the filing had stopped.

"Yeah, I know but right now I need to concentrate on my baby." I looked over at Jesse, he was in the kitchen, he looked quite troubled. I stared at him a little longer, at points he would smile and at points he would put his hands through his hair which is obviously a major sign that he's worried.

What does he have to worry about? I'm the one who's got to give birth! "Yeah, I guess so." at least CeeCee agreed, I'd have to worry about this whole cheating thing later. I'm sure it was just shock, Jesse would surely never think I'd actually cheat on him.

"I got to go, me and Jesse are gonna tell my mum and Andy, wish me luck!" I meant it as well, telling my mum? My mum would have a fit, she doesn't want to be a grandmother yet, she's told me like a thousand times. It's always 'Suze, I know this won't happen but don't make me a grandmother yet, I'm not old enough!' she'd say it jokingly but I knew she really meant it.

"Ah, yeah, good luck with that, I'm sure it'll be fine" and the phone clicked off, CeeCee had hung up. I put the phone back and made my way over to Jesse.

"Are you okay?" I asked whilst tucking my hair behind my ears. "Yes, I'm fine Querida." okay what? I tucked my hair behind my ears for a reason, I did it so that he would put my hair back to where it was, whenever I do it he would always say something along the lines of 'Querida, you know I don't like it when you do that' because he thinks my hair is beautiful and shouldn't be hidden and blah blah blah, you get the point.

"We have to go now, Jesse" I pulled his arm and started walking to the direction of the door.

"Your parents will be so angry at me." He said, simply. Was this what he was getting stressed about? Sure in his time it was wrong to get a woman pregnant before marriage but now it always happens.

"Don't worry, they won't be mad at you" I opened the door and we both walked out. Suddenly I saw something in the background. Oh great. It was Juliet.

She came towards us. "Oh look, it's the couple of the week" she said sarcastically.

"Jesse, this is Juliet" I looked at him, he looked pretty scared. "Um, Juliet this is Jesse"

"Yeah, um, nice to meet you" Jesse said, he was becoming really tense. What the hell was the matter with him? He's met ghosts before and he _used _to be one, it's not like this was anything new.

"Quit the act, haven't you told your little girlfriend about us yet?" my eyes widened. "Jesse, what is she talking about?"

"I don't know" he tried to hold my hand but I let go "Honestly, I don't know, I've never met her"

Juliet looked shocked at this. "Never met? Oh don't make me laugh, we used to know each other _very_ well."

How well? Was all I thought, what did she mean? Jesse was only with Maria, not Juliet, I would of known because Jesse would of told me. We've shared everything, Jesse would not of missed out something so big.

"I've never even met you before, come on Querida" he was pushing me forward, not in a painful way, just a way that suggests he really wanted to leave.

"Querida?" she looked mad "I was your Querida once, you can't have two." she shouted something at Jesse, I don't know what she said because it was in Spanish.

"Why is she saying that she's your Querida?" I asked, Jesse looked worried, upset and scared.

"Jesse!" I demanded "tell me what's going on right now!"

"No, I don't even know what she's saying, lets go, we need to tell your mother and step-father about…" I looked at him with wide eyes, was he going to say it? "the thing…" he finished off. Of course he wasn't, not with Juliet standing right there.

I started to walk away from Juliet, I don't even know what's going on, I'm so confused. I looked back once and she called me a very rude name (well from what it sounded like) in Spanish.

"I'm sorry, Querida, I don't know what that stupid woman is on about" he kissed the back of my head.

"I think you're lying though, this is the sad thing about it, something's going on and I don't know what it is." we finally reached my mum and Andy's house. I knocked. "We'll discuss this later though, okay?" I looked at him and he nodded his head. "Now, smile because we have to make my mum believe this is the best thing that could ever happen to her."

Andy answered "Well, it's nice to see you Suze, and of course Jesse, come on in I'm making the dinner"

Jesse shook Andy's hand and we walked through to the living room. I saw my mum sitting on the sofa watching television. "Hey" I smiled.

"Oh Suzie" (**or is it Susie? Not sure**) we hugged "I'm glad to see you. Oh look who you brought." I watched her smiling and checking Jesse out. Gawd. She's my mother and she's checking my boyfriend out. I mean sure he's hot but honestly, that's just something you don't need to see.

"Okay, could you and Andy sit on the sofa please? We have some news" I looked up at Jesse, he nodded in encouragement.

"What's this about honey?" I didn't answer, she'd find out in a minute.

Andy came scurrying back from the kitchen with a plate of pizza, they smelt really good, I longed to eat some, I was so hungry and I'm allowed to be, I'm eating for two now!

"Me and Jesse are having a baby." I decided to not beat around the bush. It was easier just to come out with it.

"You mean you're trying? Well good luck sweetie" she was about to get up and give me a kiss. "No, I mean we're having one, I'm pregnant" I looked at Andy, he was so happy! He immediately got up, hugged me and shook Jesses hand "Congratulations!"

"Mum? What do you think?" She got up slowly. "You know what? I'm actually happy! I thought I wouldn't be, but to be a grandmother… Well you don't need to be old to be a grandmother do you? I'm still young" She was getting on a bit but sure she wasn't old. I nodded and we hugged.

So everything was good on the baby front. Everyone was happy. Everyone was excited. That includes me.

After an hour of chatting about baby clothes and pregnancy I decided that me and Jesse should head back to our separate apartments.

"Querida, you can come back to mine, this is a special day I think we should spend it together" I shut the door behind me and walked towards the car.

"No Jesse, you obviously have a lot to think about, I can tell you're worried about something." He shiftily looked around. See, I was right. He was worried.

The truth is that I wanted to back to my apartment so I can do my research on this suspicious Juliet woman. Because what she said, well, she can't just make up.

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**See, wasn't that great was it? I got what I wanted in there though.**

**Review! at least 10 reviews untill I update again. thanks my sweeties. :D**


	8. With the help of Google

**Thank you to 'Just me ' I couldn't PM you so I'm going to say thank you here. Your reviews meant a lot to me. Obviously everyone else too but I'm going to PM you personally, don't worry!**

**I really don't like this chapter at all. I just really wanted to write it because I'm going to my dad's for a week and I didn't want to keep anyone waiting because I said I'd update after 10 reviews. Which I have done now, yay. **

**I could of written this yesterday and I could've written this SO much better but I was on my ninth review! I was on the edge, I wanted to get it uploaded so badly because it was still fresh in my mind but there wasn't enough reviews. Darn.**

**So yes, sorry, I wrote this at like midnight and it was a really difficult chapter write - she wasn't even speaking to anyone! It was all her thoughts and that's quite boring to read. Anyway, hope you like it. But honestly the next chapter will be so so sooo much better.**

**At least 10 reviews please! And no, I own nobody but Juliet.**

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"Now let's see what we got here" I said, I was talking to myself. Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. I guess I was completely bonkers then.

I was on Google and I didn't care how long I was going to search for before I found out some dirt on Juliet. I needed her last name, who had it? I guess Father D would so I rang him.

"Hey, just calling to see how you are" There was silence "So how are ya?" I awkwardly finished.

"Fine thank you Susannah, you do realise it's late don't you?" I looked at the clock, it was 11 O'clock at night, I guess that's late for old folk like Father Dominic.

"Yeah, sorry, look do you know Juliet's last name?" I heard Father D tut on the end of the line.

"Yes, yes it's Juliet Medina" Medina? No, I had definitely not been told about any Medina's. Jesse has no way told me about Juliet so either Jesse's been lying about something or Juliet's been lying about something. Which one did I choose to believe? Well, I'd decide that after I finished my research.

"Okay, thanks, sorry to bother you" and I put down the phone, it was time for Google to work it's magic.

Juliet Medina. That is all I put in Google and there were pages about her. Not just any old Juliet but my Juliet. She wasn't _mine_ but you get what I mean. There were old pictures of her, smiling away and looking beautiful. Well, they weren't pictures they were old paintings.

So I looked at the first page.

Damnit, it was all in Spanish. Why had I taken French at school? At the bottom of the page there was a painting of her and…

Wait a minute. That's my Jesse. _MY_ Jesse. They were both smiling and he had his arm wrapped around her waist. If CeeCee was here she would say that it more than likely wasn't Jesse because it's a painting and not an actual picture, it could be anyone.

I'm not stupid though, this man in this painting looked like Jesse, he had his hair, his physique, his eyes, his nose, his mouth…his everything. This was definitely Jesse.

The only bit of English was at the bottom of the page. It read..

_So, Juliet Medina and Hector 'Jesse' De Silva were the secret couple of the nineteenth century. They had kept it quiet because Jesse's father had already planned a marriage to Maria, who was also a member of the De Silvas. Juliet was just a seamstress and this did not satisfy Jesse's father. Suddenly, soon after they went public Juliet died, she was killed by a bullet but nobody knew if she killed herself or if she got murdered. A couple of weeks after this Jesse also went missing. Overall, they were not the luckiest couple. _

What the hell?! Jesse would of told me about this. I can't believe it. I'm in shock. Jesse was with another woman before Maria. And he wasn't technically even with Maria. I was under the impression that I was Jesse's first love - his only love.

But yet again I was wrong, it's no fun being wrong. Without even my knowing I had started to cry, I hate crying and I had done cried for what seemed like none stop for ages now.

Does this mean Jesse loved Juliet more? It must do, they say that you never forget your first love and Juliet was obviously Jesse's.

It hurt me to know that Jesse had called another woman his Querida. I thought that nickname was for me and for me only.

My sadness stopped and it got replaced with anger. I don't know where it came from. I was angry at Juliet. Not Jesse. Juliet had Jesse first. He's my Jesse and she had her dirty hands all over him! How dare she! She's so stressed out and angry at me all because I was with Jesse now. She had a nerve. I was gonna punch her ghostly lights out!

I shut down the computer and grabbed my car keys, I was gonna find her.

It was night time and it was quite spooky when it was so dark, I drove far out and there weren't that many lampposts, I was mainly given light by the moon, I heard owls and the trees rustling. It made the hair on my arms stand up, specially since I knew I was going to have to face Juliet.

The thought of that was scarier than anything. I was pregnant and I was about to go and try and beat a ghost up. And one very angry ghost at that. I could get killed - the baby could get killed.

I couldn't even have Jesse help me because he wouldn't fight Juliet. Oh, and just say I got in a sticky situation and I needed someone's help really fast, I couldn't just summon Jesse. When he was a ghost I could just call for him and he would just…be there. He's not a ghost anymore, so that wouldn't work.

It didn't matter though, all that is what SHOULD of gone through my head but it didn't, all I could think of was that Juliet had my man first, and that's something that is NOT allowed.

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**P.s I changed my name to Querida123, so it's from gina123 to Querida123, so yeah don't get confused!**


	9. Confrontation

**Okay so, here it is, finally. Suze confronts Juliet. DUN DUN DUNNN. REVIEW!! At least 10 reviews till I update.**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Suze and Jesse, but hey, I own Juliet! That isn't that great really, she really isn't the best character to own.**

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After about 10 minutes of driving around in my car searching for Juliet, I found her. She watched me drive into a parking space.

As I slowly got out the car, my hand protectively on my stomach she spoke.

"You found me then?" was all she said. I nodded and began to make my way up to her.

I didn't know what I was going to do, I couldn't beat her up because of my baby. I felt my eyes well up with tears but I didn't want her to know how upset I was so I blinked them away.

"What do you want?" she asked, she looked at me up and down with disgust "I don't know why Jesse would want to be with someone like you…"

I tensed up, she really shouldn't make me madder than I already was, who knows what I might do?

"I don't want to fight you, well okay, I really do but I can't because…" I wondered whether I should tell her.

"What? Spit it out" she nastily said. I swear the sky just got darker. Juliet really hates me. It's like her power was over-whelming her. I knew I needed to tread carefully, one wrong move and I'd be a goner.

"…I'm pregnant" I held my head high as I said it, not wanting her to see that I was afraid. I don't know what possessed me to come and find her. I was just _so_ angry when I found out about her and Jesse but now I'm scared, nothing is worth loosing my baby. Nothing.

"You're _what_?" she flipped her hair back "Pregnant?" then she laughed. I don't see what was so funny.

"Yes, pregnant." I said "With Jesse's baby." her eyes went dark. Very dark. Almost black. Evil, some people would say. The trees near by us started blowing about ferociously, Juliet was doing it, she must be. I jumped as I heard thunder.

"Jesse?" she stared at me with wide eyes "_My_ Jesse?" I put both my hands on my stomach now. My baby was the one thing that was stopping me from putting my fist in her face.

"He isn't yours, Juliet" I took a step towards her "he doesn't love you, he loves me."

As she laughed (it sounded like a fake laugh to me) lightning came down. It didn't hit me, it wasn't anywhere near me. It was far away. She saw it too.

"Yes, that's me, see what I can do? Don't push my buttons" she was walking towards me. I backed off.

"I just came to say that you need to move on, get over Jesse, he isn't yours anymore. You may have had.." I swallowed "…something when you were both alive but that's in the past. You're in the past. Just leave us alone."

I turned around after saying my piece, I was scared, I'm not usually scared when I fight with ghosts but Juliet…she was different. She had power that no other ghost had, I was carrying mine and Jesse's baby. I was scared for the baby, not for me.

There was a crack and she appeared in front of me. Stopping me from walking any further.

"No, you stupid bitch, let me tell you something. What you and Jesse have is nothing compared to what me and Jesse had, he loved me. Really loved me, you're just his little girlfriend. He treats you differently than how he treated me." She looked away from me and looked at the sky. She almost looked sad. "I've been watching you and him together, you didn't realise it but I have. He may say that he loves you but he doesn't."

A silvery tear rolled down her cheek. I refused to accept what she was saying. Jesse did love me, I knew what love was and we had it. We've always had it.

I shoved her a little. Let's face it, I'm hormonal. One minute I can be damn right furious and the next I can be happy, sad, scared…all of it. My angry hormone was kicking in now.

She stopped staring at the sky and looked at me evilly. "I told you, don't push my buttons! You'll regret it!" I looked around, she was lifting some pretty big rocks, almost as big as boulders.

"No, Juliet, don't throw them at me, I wouldn't be able to survive that. I'm pregnant! You could kill my baby"

She threw the rocks. They just missed me, I wasn't sure if this was done purposely or that it was a mistake, she could have been aiming at me and missed.

Either way was dangerous. I needed to go, to go far away from Juliet. I would need Father D to carry on with her, I would probably need to ask Father Dominic to perform and exorcism.

"I'll tell you everything, to make you see sense" was all she said. She was going to tell me about her and Jesse.

Half of me was screaming 'No, just leave! Get away from her!' and the other half was screaming 'Just stay, hear what she has to stay and then leave' Stupidly I chose to stay.

"Fine, I'll hear what you have to say and then I'm going" I sat down on one of the huge rocks that almost hit me.

She nodded and her eyes went all dreamy "Well, when we met there were definite sparks, for months I told him that we couldn't be together because he was engaged." she walked around, her eyes still dreamy. "but I couldn't wait any longer, I couldn't stand it, I knew he loved me and I loved him. I confronted him one day, I told him that we could be together, he just needn't tell his father."

I nodded, taking everything she was saying in. Was it true? I guessed it was, she was telling me her story in such a daze, as if she was re-living everything in her head. She looked happy, very happy.

"He said no at first, he told me he loved me with all his heart but he wasn't going to cheat on his future wife. A few months ago he was willing for us to be together, that was when I said no, by the way but now he thought otherwise. I didn't accept it, I thought of ways we could be together, running away was my main idea, but I'll get back to that" she smiled, not at me, she wouldn't smile at me. She was smiling at…her memory.

"Weeks went by and Jesse got tired of Maria, she wasn't a very nice girl, always demanding things and she wasn't very nice to anyone, Jesse met up with me and told me that we could be together only if nobody found out. It went well for months, nobody even suspected us. Then, me and Jesse made love. After we had he told me that it was wrong because we weren't married. I told him that it was okay because once we ran away together it wouldn't matter."

My insides turned over. So Jesse had actually had sex with someone else before me. He told me I was his first. I looked away from her and cried silently.

She smirked "Anyway, regrettably my sister found us kissing, I told her to not tell a soul but the next morning I woke up and the whole city was talking about it. Jesse was in a state of panic, he didn't know what to do. I said to him that he would have to deal with his father, tell him the truth."

I was still crying, all this was so new to me, Jesse hadn't told me anything about Juliet.

Her expression on her face changed, she looked angry. "the next thing I knew I was hovering over my body, I had been shot. I watched Jesse's father walk away from my dead body." she said this bitterly. "Jesse's father shot me so that he could be with Maria." and that was it of us. I don't know where Jesse went, he went missing. I thought he might of died and I searched for him on the astral plane for years." **(Not sure if it's called the astral plane, but you get what I mean)**

I nodded, tears rolling down my cheek. "Then, obviously I found that old man, what was his name? Father Dominic, yes that's the one. I found him and he mentioned you and Jesse."

This must have been a few days before Father Dominic rang me saying he had a stalker. It wasn't really him she was stalking, it must have been me.

She watched me closely and she noticed the realisation on my face "Yes, that's right. I listened in on Father Dominic's conversations and I slowly realised that this was _my_ Jesse, the Jesse that I had been with back in the day but I found out he was with you."

I stared down at my feet, I thought about it, she was right because when he rang me I then went down and I met Juliet and she was so mad at me, she was mad at me for having her man. And here I was, mad at her for having my man. It all made sense.

I got up and smiled weakly at her, I guess I couldn't blame everything her, it was Jesse who should of told me the truth.

As I got into my car I heard Juliet shouting at me. "See, I told you! He loves me, not you!" she was laughing at me. I could hear her but I couldn't see her, everything went blurry because of the all the tears that were desperate to break free.

I cried desperately, trying to convince myself that Jesse did love me, trying to convince myself that Juliet was lying. But really, I knew she wasn't lying. Everything all made too much sense for her to be lying. It all added up. This was why Jesse always looked so suspicious when I mentioned Juliet. This is why he 'remembered' us using protection, it wasn't us. It was her.

I have to leave, to get away from Jesse. I couldn't live with someone who had lied to me. Who had taken my virginity without telling me that I wasn't taking his. That was a lie. He was a lie.

I have to leave Jesse.

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**Not sure if the had...err...protection back then, but what they hey! Review please!**


	10. The Letter

**This story is so depressing! It was meant to be light and romantic but a storyline came to me that was less than romantic! Hope you enjoy this chapter anyway!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Meg Cabot. Therefore I don't own Jesse and Suze.**

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I left my letter on the table in his apartment, he gave me the keys a few months ago and now they were proving useful, Jesse was out and the place was silent.

I walked woefully around the living room and kitchen, thinking about all the hot make out sessions we had on the kitchen table and the living room sofa, I thought about all the times he said he loved me. All those times he made my heart feel like it would burst out of my chest.

I sighed as I opened his bedroom door, I saw his bed, there wasn't a crease on it! It was so typical of Jesse to keep his bedroom tidy. I looked around and I saw all the normal Jesse things, his clothes and his (excruciatingly boring) books.

I walked out of his bedroom, shut the door quietly and had a last look around his bathroom, it sounds like a strange place to go to reminisce as is it were but it really wasn't. We would both shower…together. Everything in his apartment held memories for me.

"_Jesse!" I squealed, I had just found out I got a job as being a waitress in one of the top restaurants in the city. "Yes?" Jesse answered, he came out the bathroom with only a towel around his waist. His body and hair was still wet, I bit my lip with lust._

"_Querida, don't look at me like that" was all he said, he came over to me and kissed me._

"_Jesse, I finally got a job!" Jesse beamed at me, he was always happy for me about things like this._

"_Oh Querida, that's brilliant news!" _

"_I know! Now let's get that towel off you shall we" I said in my most sexiest voice._

"_Not now, we have to go and celebrate, I'll go and get dressed"_

"_Aw, do you have too? We can just stay here and celebrate…and you don't have to get dressed"_

_Jesse chuckled. "Querida, you know I love you, right?"_

"_Yep, and I love you too" I smiled._

How could Juliet say that wasn't love? What we had was…special. I know that sounded all mushy and cheesy but it's true. I mean, it _was_ true. I sighed again as I looked at my letter on the table.

I headed for the door, opened it and looked back, I shut the door and started sobbing. I would never see Jesse again…

**JESSE'S POV.**

I whistled happily as I let myself into my apartment, I would have to call Susannah later, I miss her a lot.

I still can't believe that Susannah has fallen for me, I still can't believe I'm here. Actually here, in my own apartment with a beautiful girlfriend, and my past left behind me.

I threw my keys onto the kitchen table where I noticed something that wasn't there when I left, a letter from Susannah.

It was odd of her to leave me a letter, normally she would ring me or leave me a message on the answer phone but a letter?

I eagerly opened the letter, I missed Susannah desperately even if it has only been a day, I thought that it was probably a letter telling me to meet her at Coffee Clutch later on or something.

My smile left me as I read the first two words.

_Dear my Jesse,_

_We're over. I don't want to see you again, I don't want to hear from you, I don't want anything to do with you. _

_I found out about Juliet, I know everything about you and her. Why didn't you tell me, Jesse? I wouldn't of minded that you had a girlfriend back when you were alive, I wouldn't of freaked out that you loved her because I know that was the past, I know that you love me now. Love just isn't enough for me and you now Jesse, I thought we trusted each other but you've pushed the boundaries._

_I didn't want us to end like this. My baby. Our baby. I'll tell him/her about you. I know this is selfish, I'm heartbroken and I'm stopping our baby from knowing it's father. I don't think you can be in it's life though, it'll be too painful for me. _

_Jesse, I'm crying right now writing this, I love you with all my heart, I always will._

_You treated me like no other guy did. You were different from everyone else. I'll never forget you._

_Suze._

She found out. This wasn't meant to happen. She can't leave me, I just love her too much! How could I cause her so much pain? I've broken my Querida's heart.

I grabbed my phone and pressed number one. That is what she was on my speed dial list but she wasn't just number one on my speed dial, she was number one in my life. The one who was always there. The one who loved me, the one who made my heart skip every time she steps into a room. No, I can't let her go.

She didn't answer, it didn't even ring. It just said her phone was off, she was obviously avoiding me. I paced around the room quickly, what was I to do?

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	11. Panic

**Wowza! thank you SO much for all your reviews on chapter 10, I must say it shocked me! I didn't particularly think that chapter 10 was my best but the reaction I got from it was brilliant! thank you all again! **

**I really do like this chapter, and I hope you do too!**

**Disclaimer: Yada yada, I own nobody, blah blah blah.**

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Tears were still rolling down my cheek. Just the idea that Susannah didn't have the full story was heartbreaking, she thought that I had cheated on her, she thought that I loved Juliet more.

It wasn't true. She hasn't heard it from my point of view. It was like a part of me had died.

I didn't know where to look, what to do, what to think. Everything was like a blur to me.

A blur. Literally blurry, I couldn't see…

The next thing I knew I was in a bed, the light was so bright, I started squinting at the bright whiteness.

"Err, Jesse, it's Adam." was all I heard, Adam? What was he doing in my apartment? Why was I in bed?

I sat up, my eyes getting accustomed to the light. I heard some beeping and I realised this wasn't my bed, I was in hospital.

"Adam? What are you doing here? Where's Susannah?" my head buzzed with questions "Why am I here? What happened?" Adam looked at me like I was crazy.

"Jesse, I found you in your apartment on the floor, I think you blacked out or something, well that's what the doctors said, you should know this anyway, you're the one who's training to be a doctor!" Adam joked.

"I'm not a doctor yet though, where's Susannah?" I looked down, I was tucked up in bed, I still had my clothes on though, this proves that they didn't think I would be staying too long.

"Suze? I don't know, I think she saw CeeCee earlier but I'm not sure. Don't you want to know why you blacked out?" he looked eager to tell me, I looked at him plainly.

"Fine, tell me"

"Okay, well, the doctors say it was because of how much you were in shock. Isn't that crazy? You have nothing to be really shocked about, these doctors are seriously stupid, no offence to you though"

Shock. Yeah, that figures. The love of my life had just left me and I didn't have a clue where she was, plus she was carrying my baby. Ironic.

"I'm gonna go now, thanks for taking me here" I threw the covers away from me. I was wasting time here. My head still felt a little foggy and I had trouble getting up, Adam looked at me shiftily.

"Listen, dude, I don't think you should be getting up, wait for a doctor to talk to you"

"No, I can't, I'm leaving now. Adios Adam."

"I came to your apartment for a reason though, CeeCee is all upset over something and she won't tell me what it is, I guess I won't getting laid tonight then!" I looked at him stupidly, I didn't really care.

"So, I thought we could watch a movie or something, you up for it?" up for it? No. I felt like shoving his movie right up his…well, I couldn't say where, it wasn't very polite.

"I have something to do, we'll do a movie another day though, I think you should go back to CeeCee, she probably wants you to comfort her." I marched right out of my cubicle and straight to the nearest nurse.

"Um, excuse me, I'd like to discharge myself please" The nurse looked at me with a big fake smile.

"Of course, what's your name sweetie?"

"Jesse De Silva" She told the receptionist something in her ear and looked at me with her big fake smile again.

"Okay Mr De Silva, it's quite fine for you to go, have a nice day"

"Yes, you too" was all I said as I strode out the building. When I got outside I felt the cold air hit my face, it was like it cleared my mind, the fogginess I had felt before had left and I immediately remembered something.

My pockets. I felt my pockets, all of them, I was looking for my keys. Well, not really my keys, I was looking for my keychain which had mine and Susannah's keys. I could go into her apartment, she might be there.

It was there! I had found it, I took it out and jingled it in front of me. I smiled for the first time for what felt like hours. It probably was hours, I wasn't sure how long I was in that black out for.

Half an hour later and I was standing at the front door of Susannah's apartment. I had rehearsed a speech that I would say to her during the car journey. It was perfect, I would just explain everything to her, I had to let her know the truth.

I took a deep breath and unlocked the door.

"Susannah!" I shouted. There was no reply. "Querida, it's me, Jesse."

I headed straight away for her bedroom, I was going to look in her wardrobe. I knew I shouldn't because it's her privacy but I was desperate.

I took a step back as I saw that all her clothes were gone. All that was left was a sexy outfit she had brought for herself, she told me that she would wear it for me one day if I was lucky. I guess that my luck was out. Because she obviously thought she wouldn't be needing that anymore.

It was like something had possessed me, I was in a panic, I started to look under her bed, I looked in drawers. I was looking for anything that would give me a sign that she hadn't left for good.

Most of her things were gone but not everything, which meant that she would have to come back eventually to sell the apartment and clear out her things. I could just wait here. But that could take weeks, maybe even months.

Passport! Her passport! If it was gone it probably meant that she had left the country, if it was still there it meant that she was probably staying at someone else's house.

I raided the house, when I had finished it looked like a mess. I would have to clean this up later, I wouldn't leave Susannah's apartment like this. Mess didn't really matter right now though, Susannah's passport had gone.

It was nowhere I looked anyway. I hoped desperately that she had just taken it just in case that someone had broken in and stole it or something like that but the truth was that I was pretty sure she took it to get out of the country…

…To get away from me.

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	12. Pain

**All of your reviews are so nice! When I read them I smile like a goon, seriously. I sit there grinning and my mum is like with is wrong with you? Ha-ha anyway I'm happy I cracked the 100 mark and that's all thanks to you guys! Thankyouu!**

**This was a hard chapter to write, it took me hours. It's pretty short (like all of my chapters - I hate that, they all turn out short) and it still took me hours. **

**Hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: Yes, you're right Jaqui I do own Juliet! But apart from that…nobody. **

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Knock. Knock. Knock. That was the first sound I heard after sitting on Susannah's bed in complete silent for 20 minutes, I was thinking about Susannah, it couldn't be over between us. I love her too much, she makes me happy, when I'm with her I'm the happiest I could be. I need her. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. I dried my eyes and answered the door. I was about to open my mouth and tell them to go away but I stopped as I saw the last person I'd ever want to see.

Slater. He had a cheek to show up at Susannah's apartment un-invited. He had a smirk on his face.

"Found out did she?" he pushed the door open, I pushed him back out the door again.

"What are you doing here, Slater?"

"I just wanted to see you suffer, you must be really upset now that Suze has left you"

"How did you know about that? Do you know where she is?" I grabbed his shirt "tell me Slater"

"Whoa, muscle man, let me go and I'll tell you where she is" I let him go, I didn't want to let him go, I wanted to really hurt him but if he knew where Susannah was then I had to know.

"I don't _really_ know." I was about to punch him when he held his hand up "Don't."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because I know someone who knows where she is, although I don't really know why I should tell you, maybe now Suze can be with me, you've always been holding her back from me" he smirked at me, he knew he had won. He knew I would listen.

I said nothing. "I'll only tell you if you let me go and find Suze first, you know, give her a shoulder to cry on, you never know what'll happen" then he winked at me! I was enraged.

"Not a chance" and I punched him, he staggered back and fell into a wall. He was holding his face in pain.

"Fine, if you want to play it that way, De Silva" I already saw this coming from a mile off, as soon as he made his hand into a fist I went up to him and pinned him to the wall.

"Tell me who knows where she is or I'll really hurt you." I wasn't normally a man who would make threats, I mean, I don't want to cause any pain but Slater was just one person who I could make an exception on.

"Alright, alright, it's CeeCee, I thought you would've figured this out yourself, maybe you are a stupid as you look" he spat.

CeeCee, of course it was! Adam did say she was upset about something, I'm such an idiot, I definitely could of figured that out myself, Slater was right about something for once.

I was just about to let him down when he spoke again "Don't you want to know how I know about all this?"

I said nothing again. "Well, I've been making myself quite friendly with your ex Juliet, she's a nice woman, _very_ nice, if you know what I mean"

"Nice try but I don't feel anything for her anymore, now, before you go…and you _will_ go, just remember that Suze will never feel anything for you, you're nothing, you don't even deserve her" and then I threw him out, I saw him get up off of the hard concrete floor and put his middle finger up at me. I'm not really sure what this meant but whatever it was it didn't look polite.

CeeCee. I'd have to go and see her and ask where Susannah was but I would have to beg because Susannah probably told her not to tell me anything, but that's okay, I didn't care what I had to do to find my Querida. nothing was going to stop me from getting her back. Nothing.

Just as I grabbed my keys I felt the most pain I had ever felt, it wasn't normal pain, it felt like it was in my heart. As if quite literally someone had stabbed it. I dropped the keys and held both my hands over my heart, almost as if I was trying to protect it.

It felt like someone had ripped it out, stood on it and then threw a knife at it, it wasn't a broken heart though. No, nothing was right about this sort of pain. It didn't even feel like my pain. It felt strangely like…Susannah's pain. Something was wrong with her, she was in pain, she was upset…

I backed myself to a wall and leaned against it, my hands were still over my heart - I was almost scared that I would feel it again.

It's okay Querida, I'm coming for you.

I ignored the aching pain I felt, my chest was tight and it was hard to breathe but that didn't matter anymore, all that mattered was that I could get to Querida. I knew she needed me.

I slammed the apartment door behind me and drove up to CeeCee and Adam's house. The pain intensed. It wasn't physical pain though, it was emotional pain. Pain that just made you really sad, the sort of sad that made you crazy.

I pressed the doorbell, I could hear it ring faintly from outside, I listened carefully and I heard some shuffling. The door opened slightly. I could see CeeCee's tear stained face.

"Jesse, I knew you'd come." she still didn't open the door widely enough for me to get through, it was just wide enough that I could see half of her face.

"I know you know where Susannah is."

"Yes, I do, but she told me not to tell you, I'm sorry, I can't let you in" she tried to shut the door on me but I put my foot in the way. I didn't want to treat CeeCee like this.

"Please, you have to tell me, I have got to tell Susannah everything, she needs to understand."

"She said under no circumstances was I to tell you where she was, she's heartbroken and she wants to start afresh with her baby, don't interfere with that, don't make her more upset than she already is" CeeCee looked at me with pity.

"I don't want to interfere at all, I want Susannah and I to raise our child together, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Tell me where she is, I won't say to Susannah that you told me, I'll say I guessed or something."

I could tell that I was getting through to her, she was opening the door more and more each time I spoke. I was running out of time though, my chest felt so tight it was getting hard to speak freely.

"If I told you would you promise me that you'd wait a week or something like that, I think she needs time to think everything over."

"No, I'm sorry, but something's wrong, I can feel it, I just know that she's in pain, if I wait that long who knows what could happen." I pleaded. I saw CeeCee's eyes widen.

"In pain? What's wrong with her?"

"I..I don't know, just tell me so I can help her"

"Okay, she's going to New York to stay with Gina but I don't think she's gone yet, her flight doesn't leave for another hour and a half, please Jesse, find her and bring her back, I'm so upset that she's left, she told me she's going to live in New York, I don't want her to leave, please Jesse, you have an hour and a half...hurry!"

An hour and a half to get to her, after that I would have to catch another flight and try and find where Gina lives. Half an hour.

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	13. Tick Tock Tick Tock

-1**Damnit! I put 'Half an hour.' at the end of the last chapter, ha-ha it's meant to be 'An hour and a half' I new I ruined that! Oh well! Here's the next chapter! It seems like it should end now…but it doesn't! Thank you all for reviewing!! You all get a cookie.**

**Disclaimer: I own Juliet, that ish all.**

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I turned around in a hurry, thanking CeeCee as I did so "Hey dude!" shouted Adam from inside the house. I turned my neck to look at him. "Adam, I haven't got time to chat, I'll catch up with you later"

I walked as fast as I could out of the driveway, hearing things like "awe man" and "okay well talk to you later then" from Adam and then the slight sniffles of CeeCee's sob. I had confidence now, I knew I could get to my Querida in time. Something just told me that it'll all turn out okay.

Susannah, I'm almost there.

I turned on the radio as I drove, hoping for something to get my mind of Susannah.

"…and next is a song dedicated from Mark to Loretta, his true love." I grimaced and turned over the channel. There was a lively woman talking on the next radio station, she sounded slightly Irish. This channel could do no harm…until she started to talk about how she was soon to be expecting new baby twins.

It was almost as if the world was out to get me.

Then my car broke down.

Yes, the world was _definitely_ out to get me. I was 15 minutes away from the airport, that was it, 15 minutes! And then the engine started to make funny noises, I slowed down the car and pulled over to the side. I sighed loudly as I got out the car, checking my watch as I did so.

There was smoke coming from the bonnet, I tried to touch something in the bonnet and I got a load of black gunk on my hand. I whipped of my t-shirt and used it to pat the engine, it was covered in black…I wouldn't be able to wear it again.

Not knowing what to do I got back into the car and tried to start it up again, it wouldn't go. Why wouldn't it go?

So there I was, stranded and under the clock, this wasn't a great match. I got out my phone and rang the number that Susannah told me I should call if I was ever to break down.

"Hello, how may I help you?" said a woman on the end of the phone.

"Hi, my car broke down, can someone please pick me up? I need to get somewhere, it's an emergency."

"We most certainly can do that for you, sir, now if you'd like to tell us where you are we can get one of our men to take you to your destination" I could tell that she was probably smiling - not a proper smile, one of those big fake smiles, she was talking as if the world was right as rain. This woman was probably all smiles.

I told her where I was and sure enough a big yellow lorry came rolling down the road. The men in there waved at me from inside their van.

They got out. They were British. I smiled and greeted them. "Hello there, hot are you?" he asked as he pointed to my bare chest.

"Sorry, yeah, got it mucky" I showed him the shirt, he laughed.

"Oh yes, I see, well we'll just put your car on the back of our lorry and we'll take you home"

"No! I can't go home, I need to go to the airport? Can you take me there please?"

The two men looked at each other. "Well we shouldn't really do that to be honest, but for you I think we can, you seem nice enough!" I smiled - this smile wasn't fake at all. Finally I could get to Susannah.

The journey was pleasant enough, the men took it in turns to ask me questions about myself, I was relieved to be kept talking, if there was silent I would most likely start thinking about Susannah.

Finally we were at the airport. I wasn't really sure where I was meant to go, I mean this airport was _very_ big, I didn't even know what aircraft she was meant to be boarding. I looked at my watch, there was only 45 minutes left, I couldn't search the whole place in 45 minutes.

I smiled weakly at all the women, they all were staring at my chest. Even some men did too! I looked down at myself, there was nothing on there, maybe some of that gunk from the bonnet from where I accidentally brushed my hand against my chest but that was all. What _were_ they looking at?

I walked up to the help desk self consciously. "Um. Wow. Um…how may I help you sir?" said the woman who was sitting at the desk. She flicked her hair out and straightened her skirt.

"I need to find my girlfriend, it's an emergency" the woman stopped smiling at me and looked disappointed.

"Girlfriend huh? Well what's her name? maybe I can tell you what flight she's boarding"

"Susannah Simon" the woman's eyes widened, she suddenly looked uncomfortable.

The woman looked to the side and whispered at her college who nodded madly. "Excuse me? What's going on?" I asked.

"Sorry sir, but I think you should come with me. I'm Sandra by the way, are you Jesse?" how did this stranger know my name? was something wrong with Susannah? I mean I know I felt something an hour or so ago but I thought that was me, I thought that Susannah leaving me had finally sunken in or something.

"Yes, what's wrong with Susannah?" Sandra took me into a little room, it had a small chair placed in the middle of it.

" sit down please" she asked sweetly. I stared at her "No thank you" Sandra looked uncomfortable again, she fiddled with her name tag.

"Susannah's had an accident…" I stared at her. "You can't possibly mean my Susannah Simon though? You must have got it wrong…"

She looked at me with such pity that it almost made me angry "No, honey, it's her, she really wants you with her, she fell down some steps when she was about to board the plane, she's in hospital right now, there's some other news but I think she should tell you"

Susannah, at least she was okay. But she fell down some steps! This wouldn't of happened if I had told her the truth from the very beginning. Oh Susannah!

"There must be a mis-" I was about to say mistake but Sandra cut me off "No there isn't sweetie, my assistant Barry will take you to the hospital, he's waiting for you outside" and she gave me a slight push. Almost as if she was trying to encourage me to go out with him, to see Susannah.

And what could this other news me? I hope the baby is alright. I could of prevented everything from happening if it wasn't for me. Silly, idiotic me!

We arrived at the hospital. I opened the car door as quickly as possible.

"Quick, take me to her, I want to be with her" Barry nodded silently and guided me towards one of the wards.

"Here she is, inside there."

I held my breath, I didn't know what to expect. I heard violent crying from inside one of the cubicles, I opened the curtain without making a noise. It was Susannah.

She looked a mess, in my eyes she was always beautiful but to tell the truth she didn't look her best. She was pale in the face and her eyes were bloodshot.

"Querida, it's okay, I'm here now" I sat by her bed and stroked her hair, there was a machine that was beeping away, it was showing her heart rate. It seemed to increase as I sat next to her.

"J-Jesse, the baby…"

"What about the baby? Querida? I'm sure it's fine, just worry about yourself"

"No…Jesse the b-baby, it's gone." her tears flowed more than ever now. I was in shock. My baby. Dead.

"I'm sorry Jesse, I was stupid, I was trying to hurry and I couldn't see from where my eyes were blurry from crying, I didn't want to leave you, I love you with all my heart but you made it so difficult. And then I tripped, I fell down about 6 steps, it's not that many but for the baby…it must have been. The doctors say I'm fine, I'll just be bruised but I'm so upset, the baby…I-I ended it's life, I'm a horrible person! You p-probably hate me now too"

I wiped away my tears and I stroked her face "No, I'll never hate you, it's my fault that you left, and it defiantly isn't your fault about the baby, you had a miscarriage, plenty of mothers go through this, it's okay. We'll be alright"

She sniffled and kissed my hand. "I won't ever leave you again, especially now you've just flashed your sexy abs to me, are you trying to torture me? Don't think I've forgiven you about Juliet though, that is something we need to talk about…but really…I won't _ever_ leave you again." I smiled softly "I sure hope not, I can't live without you, my Querida."

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	14. The End

**Yes, I realise that the title of this story has no relation to the storyline! But honestly, when I started this I only knew that Suze would be pregnant, I figured out the storyline later on. Sooo, can you give me ideas? Like what to re-name it, I mean?**

**Anyway, so yes, here we are, end of the story! It was really great writing it, and all of you guys have been luvv-erly! Please review though, I really like to know what you guys thought of this chapterr.**

**Disclaimer: Juliet is mine (unluckily, she's not very nice, is she?) but Suze and Jesse are not.**

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Back to Suze's POV.

He found me. My Jesse, he had found me. Just as life was rolling down hill (with loosing the baby and everything) here he was, beside me whilst I lie on my hospital bed, pretending to be asleep. I couldn't sleep, I felt empty without my baby. The only thing keeping me sane was listening to the gentle sound of Jesse's breathing.

He was sitting on a chair that was so close to my bed that it touched, Jesse's head was lolled back but one of his arms was close to mine, he had fallen asleep holding my hand. I smiled weakly as I took my thumb and stroked the back of his hand. He was so soft, so real. I remembered back to when he was a ghost, to when I would wish for nothing more than him to be alive.

My touch awoke him, I jumped as he sat up straight in his chair. "Susannah!" he yelled, looking startled.

"I'm here, Jesse" he smiled and nodded. "Sorry about that" he added, sleepily.

"How are you feeling?" asked Jesse with a slightly hoarse voice from his sleep.

"Pretty crummy…" I looked down at my stomach and sighed "how about you?"

"Same, but I'm happy that you're here with me" he made me melt. I blushed and looked away.

Jesse laughed "why are you blushing?"

"I just feel like how I used to when we first started dating" Jesse looked at me strangley "you know, so in love? So…mushy, is the only way I can put it" Jesse laughed again.

"I know, but that's good, at least you haven't totally fallen out of love with me because of that Juliet thing" I said nothing, Jesse looked at me awkwardly. I could now only hear the ticking of the clock that was on my bedside table.

"Yeah, about that, I think we need to talk"

Jesse let go of me, you know, the hand I was stroking and he ran it though his hair.

"Jesse, don't worry so much, I just think I should hear it from your point of view too."

"I know, Querida, I guess you have the right to know…" Jesse moved closer to me and stared deeply into my eyes. "But do you think we should talk about it when we get out of here? You know…so we have more privacy"

I wanted to say yes, just his gaze made me hipnotised but I wasn't sure whether I could bear not knowing for any longer.

"No, we should talk about it now, I won't get mad, honestly" I rubbed my stomach self consciously, thinking about the baby we had, just thinking about this made me want to cry. My eyes started to well up, I had cried so much in the last few days and I never cry! Crying _isn't _my thing.

"Oh Susannah, don't be like this, what me and Juliet had was nothing compared to us" Jesse got out of his chair and sat with me on the bed, wiping away my tears with his kiss.

"It's not that, I'm thinking about our baby, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, I feel so guilty"

Jesse stopped kissing me. He looked surprised. "Guilty? What ever do you have to be guilty for?"

"Well, I didn't exactly fall down those stairs…" Jesse froze, I froze, I was practically a bundle of nerves. "Juliet, she pushed me…"

Jesse jumped off the bed, he was so fast I barely even saw him make the move between sitting and standing. He went red. Very red.

"She did _what_?!" and then he started muttering in Spanish, it didn't sound very polite to me. It makes me feel ashamed but I felt kind of…well…happy that he was taking it like this, I mean, he was obviously cursing her, just his tone made me understand basically every word he was saying, it made me glad that he hated her like this. Yeah, that's right. I'm a jealous girlfriend. Just the person I didn't want to be.

"Excuse me, Susannah" and he left. He walked out of my cubicle and left me there, before I even got to ask why.

So, there I sat, I was sad enough to even time how long he was. I sat for 15 whole minutes on my own. I mainly thought of the baby but I also thought about my mum and what she'd say when she found out I'd lost the baby, she was so happy when I told her! And Andy…he was estatic! I also thought about CeeCee and how I'd left her crying, begging me to stay but I just walked out the door. I was stupid and most importantly…not a good friend. Ugh, I wondered what Jesse was doing, I felt worry bubble up inside of me as my mind wondered onto the thought of Jesse going to see Juliet, maybe to tell her where to go…but maybe she seduced him, made him believe that I was no use, that she was better.

5 minutes had past since I first thought of Juliet and Jesse together, 5 minutes of hell more like. I decided that I had enough of worrying, I was going to march right out there and demand to know where Jesse had got too. I swear, it took me about 10 minutes just getting off that bloody bed! I had finally made way off of it when Jesse came through the door again.

"What are you doing Querida? Get back on the bed, you need to rest"

"I was just about to come and find you that's all, where did you go?" I pushed myself back onto the bed. Well, I tried anyway. "help me please"

He did as I asked, he helped me (with difficulty, I'm not exactly light as a feather) onto my bed like a true gentleman would.

"I made a phone call" I stared at him with a sort of 'aaaand…?' look on my face.

"well, I rang Father Dominic and asked him to…err…" Jesse looked uncomfortable.

"I asked him to you know…get rid of Juliet" his scar seemed to darken, freaky, how his scar does that. I noticed it lately, when he was happy it turned really white, but when he was angry or sad it darkened. I noticed this more when he was a ghost though, because of you know…all that extra light that ghosts have.

"Good." I said, Jesse raised his eyebrows.

"I didn't think you'd approve" his scar went all light again.

"How could I not? She killed our baby! If she was alive, I would of killed her myself!"

Jesse said nothing. I said nothing. We were both sitting there in silence, thinking.

"On the topic of Juliet…well, I think you better tell me now, about what happened" I confidently said, I didn't want Jesse to feel bad or anything. I did a few hours ago but how stupid could I of been? He didn't even know me back then. Sure, it was wrong of him to lie about the whole sex thing, but I'm sure he'd give me an answer to why he lied once he told me about everything.

"Alright, Querida. Don't get mad, you promised"

I held out my little pinkie to show that I promised, he rolled his eyes and entwined his with mine.

"Pinkie swear, good. Now carry on" I said and I sat up straight in bed, I was like a little kid waiting to hear my bedtime story, although of course this was more serious. a lot more serious.

"Okay, when my father told me about Maria I was in shock, Maria was horrible, I knew from the beginning she was in it for money and land, I was against it, I had no power over what I could do or not do though, my father held all the strings on my life. I was like a puppet, just doing what he told me too because I had no other choice"

I nodded, agreeing with everything he was saying, I could paint a picture of Jesse's father, he must have been quite large, hairy but handsome, the sort of man who knows he has power and is not afraid to use it.

Jesse carried on. "I met Juliet, she was just the sort of girl I knew I should marry, I knew that Juliet would be wife matieral, not Maria" Jesse sighed "but yes, I fell in love with her, at least I thought I did, it was merely lust…Querida."

I looked down, not wanting to look Jesse in the eyes "Yeah, she said to me that you treat her differently than you do me"

"Of course I do, when I saw her I felt lust, not love, when I'm not with you you're all I can think about, when you are with me I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest, what I felt for Juliet was nothing compared to this." He took my hand and kissed it.

"She told me you had sex with her, why did you lie to me? You made me think that it was your first time too…"

Jesse lowered his head, he looked ashamed. "It's something I still regret doing, I wish that never happened between me and her…I've wiped it from my memory, that's why I told you that it was my first time, because it was…maybe not technically but it _was_, it felt new and exciting to me too, I may of done it with Juliet but you were someone I truly love, Juliet was…she still is…no-one to me."

It felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, this was why. It was all too clear now. Jesse never told me about Juliet because in his eyes…that was all just a stupid mistake, I was the real deal. Me and him were the real deal.

"When the city found out about me and Juliet I was terrified, it was around about that time that I had realised that I didn't even love Juliet. I was scared of my father finding out about us, I was scared of everything to do with Juliet. She kept telling me to runaway with her. I was not prepared to do that, to leave my mother and sisters, they were the people I really loved."

"I get it Jesse, so, all along you and her…well…it wasn't really _love_?"

"No way, I love you Susannah, I know that you're upset about the baby, I am too, the whole of my insides are crying out in pain, believe me, but I want to grow old with you, I want to have children with you. I love you Querida, my beautiful Querida."

I cried at his words, I was the luckiest girl ever to have Jesse, he was mine and I was his, I was stupid to try and leave him, who could be better than Jesse? I got closer to him, I could feel his breath on my face. I couldn't stand to be so close to his lips without being able to kiss them. So, I did, kiss him I mean. It felt as if I was melting like butter all the way down into my carefully painted red toenails.

He broke away from me, I was about to protest but he spoke.

"Quer2ida? Will you marry me?" Jesse held both my hands "I mean...I understand if you don't wa-...

"Yes! Of course!" how could Jesse think I would say no, this is what I want, it's what I've always wanted! I beamed at him and we kissed, against my lips I slightly heard Jesse murmur "thank you, Querida"

"That's no problem, Jesse De Silva" I grinned.

And we kissed again and let me tell you...I loved every second of it.


End file.
